In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
