Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
