And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
