Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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