I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
