ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
