I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
