I wish I could punch you in the face.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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