I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
