Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
