the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
