i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
