Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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