yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
