if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
