there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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