I hate all girls vehemently.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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