There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
