Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
