like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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