the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
