It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
