when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I cut my penus on the lid.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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