I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
