I just pynch a tree in the face
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
