well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i came on her dog
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
