i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
