Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
