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He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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