i think my tv is drunk
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
