a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
