She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
