Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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