he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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