All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
