my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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