I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
