I swear she didn't look like that last week.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
