I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
