You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
