my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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