And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
