My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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