I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
