I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
