I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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