I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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