I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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