We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
