im drinking this country out of the recession.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
