i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
