WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just want to make out with him forever
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
