I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
