Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
