if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
