Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
